Back To School Blues

Classes began again this week. I'm supposed to be thrilled to finally have reached the final semester of graduate school, but for some reason I don't. The feelings I'm having her bittersweet. Why? Well, on one hand I always promised myself that I'd earn a master's degree before the age of 25, and from a top school too -- which is about to happen in May (I'll be 24) -- and that's fabolous news. But, on the other hand the more and more I think about what's next for me, the more and more confused I feel. It's like that age-old question: Do I do what I love, or do what pays well? Some of us are blessed with careers interests that pay well and are rewarding at the same time. Journalists just aren't so lucky. I came to UC Berkeley's Graduate School of Journalism to make sure there were no aspects of the business that couldn't find a nice home under the "Experiences" section of my resume -- and after having taking classes in radio, print, magazines, production, photography, and new media, I've accomplished that -- but suddenly the route they're encouraging us all to take post graduation doesn't seem so appealing to me. They say it's all about paying your dues, but for some crazy reason i feel like that's what I've been doing for the last 7 years. I mean thats how long I've loved writing and been studying how to be a good, fair reporter. I guess the problem is, the one thing this program taught me that I didn't expect to learn is that: I'm more of a writer than a journalist. Can I do the job, and do it well? Yes. But, does it make me as happy as I thought it would? No. Not because I don't enjoy questioning society (because if you know me at all, you know that I do!), but rather because I can't seem to be me when I'm trying to follow the journalist's way. Journalism only allows for so much creativity, because everything you do and say will be scrutinized for flaws, but if I drop the journalist title and allow labels like "writer", "creative", and "different" to stay, I find that the work comes much easier for me.

It's time to apply for jobs and quite honestly the thought is making me a little sick to my stomach. Where do my skills and desires fit into the world of employed journalists? Do they? Can they?

I'm still thinking a lot about all of this...stay tuned!

To Be Continued....